Cue “Day ‘N’ Nite” by Kid Cudi

What did 2022 teach me? What did I learn? Well, let me rewind and unwind.

My bff/sister, Maya, died on January 16, 2022. I didn’t ever think that sentence would one day be my undeniable reality. I keep waiting for someone to tell me that Maya is actually alive and starting a new life In Nicaragua, lol. But it’s almost a whole year now and no one has yet to tell me that.

I have gotten many chances to tell people that I am missing my BFF. And weighing the fact that missing her is my reality, then she must really be gone. My sister. My first friend at Lowell HS! A tia to my future kids. So now, I have to do this life thing alone. Not completely alone because I’m surrounded by many loved ones. But alone nonetheless, on this planet without my spiritual twin. Without a soulmate who showed me that I am deserving of love, nurturing, and care.

Many times, Maya and I would talk about our hopes and dreams for the world. We’d look up at the sky and feel how limitless our future was. But after she passed away, looking up at the sky became a way for me to connect with her. Sometimes I look up at the sky hoping to find clear evidence that Maya is here. Hoping to be told clear answers on what step I must take next.

I’ve come to learn that the day sky and night sky have their own ways of talking. The day sky is more energetic, looking past the unknown future towards a goal. The night sky is calm and stoic, looking just at the present moment. I wouldn’t say I get clear answers, more so a feeling. And to interpret that feeling takes time and trusting my gut.

Ultimately, I’d say that 2022 showed me how to live in the present, no matter how heartbreaking it can be. What has made the present tolerable is knowing how much joy and hope I can contribute by accepting all of who I am. I’m like cat woman, swift and hot! And Ivy who journals AND let’s others help her along the way 🙂

May 2023 be less shitty ❤️ and more peace of mind!

Oh, I did get two tattoos in 2022!

Xoxo,

Lexx