Me

A New Woman

This post is me venting about my IUD removal experience. There are probably quite a few spelling errors due to typing on my phone not being my strong suit. I’ll come back to this later to clean it up. But until then, enjoy my imperfections.

Hi, I got my IUD removed today. I’m still in the midst of processing my emotions over the whole procedure. This IUD of mine has been causing me trouble ever since I got it in 2019. I ended up in the ER and visiting my gynecologist multiple times just to check on my IUD because I was having so much pain. Scan after scan, exam after exam, I was told that nothing was wrong and that my IUD was correctly placed. Fast forward to today where I learned that my IUD that is supposed to maintain its T shape in the uterus, was more like a U shape bent backwards.

I was nervous leading up to the appointment. I was worried that I would experience the same pain that I went through back in 2019 upon insertion. The removal itself doesn’t take long: your physician puts a speculum in your vagina, cleans your uterus with iodine, clamps the strings of your IUD, tells you to count to three and on 3 you cough, then pulls the strings with the quickness. Literally the second after my IUD came out, a cramp set in and I was immediately brought to tears. It wasn’t just any cramp, it was so much worse and it lasted for awhile. My physician then showed me my IUD and it was bent! She explained to me that the way it was positioned in my uterus, it curved and that’s probably why I had so much trouble with it. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t really think. But reflecting back on what happened, I wish I would’ve taken a picture just to show that the IUD was not in a t shape like it is supposed to be. This really proved to me that we know our bodies the best and we have to be our own advocates.

Not going to lie, it really sucked going to this appointment alone. Granted it’s a difficult time for us all but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I needed some support. One of my bffs was supposed to come with me but something came up. lol why am I cryinggggg. It just really sucked, like a lot. I wish I could’ve had someone’s hand to hold. I felt so alone. I know IUD insertions/removals are common but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is a whole ass procedure and ugh, humans need support!!!! When I got my IUD inserted, I had my boyfriend at the time come with me to my appointment. And it was so nice to just have someone there to support me emotionally and to tell me that I was going to be okay. But I didn’t have that today. Which is okay because I know this is a time for me to be single and to rely on myself to soothe my pain. Nevertheless, I know today had to go down the way it went down. And it wasn’t bad. It showed me how I strong I am.

*yo but that pain today – fuck – literally all that was going through my mind was me wondering about how tf I will handle the pain of child labor. Right now I’m really working on being at my most optimal fertile self so that I’m healthy and ready for when the time comes to plan a baby, so I’m in the mindset of doing what I need to do you know. But damn, there’s really no avoiding that pain of child birth and there’s no way to even mentally prepare for that. Further proving, god is a woman. Shoutout to all the mothers in the world*

After my appointment, I took myself to get a strawberry milkshake. I was crying while driving but the milkshake grounded me. Plus I enjoyed my encounter at the restaurant. I appreciate when people tell me they like my car. The employee who took my order complimented my car and called me a “boss” 🥺❤️ Like ugh thanks, this is my baby lol. “Alexis in a Lexus” – Amy’s employee, 2021. I don’t even think he knows just how much he made my day when he distracted me from my pain by hyping me up lol.

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I like to think of myself as someone with a high pain tolerance. I can bear pain you know. Okay I lowkey try to tap in to my essence of Beatrix Kiddo (The Bride from Kill Bill) and sort of transmute my pain into strength. But yeah no, today was different. Uterus pain is no joke. I just remember telling my physician, “I’m sorry but I’m about to cry and I can’t hold it in.” So I just started balling my eyes out. Eventually the cramp slowly went away and I was able to laugh it off, in a “I can’t believe I’m human” type of way. But as soon as I was left alone, I started crying again. This pain is so different than any other pain. I don’t know how to describe the emotions that accompany this type of pain other than I need a freaking hug.

I mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared for this procure yet it still just ended up being a whole lot to process.

On the Brightside, I got my IUD taken out, FINALLLLLYYYYY. I have been wanting to do this for soooo long and I finally got the strength to do it. I did it :’) I get to dedicate some healing to my body. I really look forward to seeing how my hormones will change and how that will affect me. I’ve been on birth control since high school. My first year of college I was pooping Plan B pills like they were mints. It’s been a journey to say the least. But now it’s time to let my body rest and heal so that it may be optimally ready for child bearing. I feel like a very natural woman right now and it feels oh so right.

The main reason I got my IUD was because I was sexually active and well, I was a whore (I like this term. Taking the power back you know) who enjoyed the sharing of bodily fluids with a partner. My baby fever also gets really strong and young Alexis would try to self sabotage when she was in a committed relationship. But now grown Alexis is celibate and single. Who would’ve thought. Without my IUD, y’all, lmao, I think I would’ve had a baseball team of kids. I don’t think people understand how badly I want kids but I exercise immense control to wait to have them with the right partner. Anyways, I do appreciate my IUD for preventing any pregnancies so I do give it that. For now, my celibacy is my birth control of choice.

It’s really easy for people to encourage contraceptives (of course it makes sense) but I believe we really need to take into account what birth control does to a woman’s body because it is no joke, it can really fuck you up. Women aren’t told enough about the side effects. We are pushed to do things that affect our body and when we bring up our concerns, we are hushed and pushed to the side. This all just has me thinking about how we need to educate our women on the ins and outs of their birth control options.

Also okay I just don’t get why doctors have to ask me if I were to have sex, what birth control options will I be using moving forward? Like what does it matter and damn, maybe I don’t want any BC and maybe I just want to risk it or maybe I’m planning for a baby. Idk. To me, it just seems like doctors want to push birth control on WOC but that’s just from my own experience of what I have had to deal with. Or maybe they just need to reword their questions because they feel like an interrogation.

Shoutout to Pepper for being the best cuddle bug

Not going to lie, I just feel like I can’t get comfortable. I lowkey feel bloated. I want to cry when I think about the pain from earlier. There was just so much I have had to deal with. And nothing major or “bad,” I’ve just done a lot of chord cutting and removing people from my life, so to add this procedure on top of that, ugh, I just can’t believe how strong I am. I am really taking my life seriously, and by serious I just mean I care about my quality of life. I’ve been single for over a year now but I still had some strings attached to people. But this week, I finally got the right words needed to express myself. And god did it feel amazing. I was able to clear those lingering strings in my life!!! Which made me so happy because I really am soooo serious about the future partnerships that I’ll encounter. I just want to be completely free and ready for my next partner you know? I was actually surprised that I wasn’t sad over losing these people. I kinda felt guilty for not feeling any grief but it’s just because our time in each other’s lives ran it’s course a long time ago and I’ve accepted that. You could say I had let those strings linger for so long as to catch me like a trampoline would, but I discovered that it’s much easier to take the fall than to be constantly worrying if there’s strings will catch me or not. I’d rather scrape my knees than carry dead weight. I feel very empowered this week. Okay maybe the best way to describe why I don’t feel sad about letting these people go is because well, it just makes room for new people lmao. So it’s easy for me to say smell ya later since I know there can only be good that comes from this releasing of energy.

Omg shoutout to my BFF Byron for being me boba and pizza though. That’s literally all I wanted today and they brought it to me. That’s family :’) I’m so blessed.

Okay I’m going to go cry and hopefully sleep. Pray for me as I adjust lol. I wonder when I’ll get a regular menstrual cycle again.

Xoxo,

Lexx