Blog Posts

A Sunday Kind Of Love

Science to Success:

create positive plans
healthify a guilty pleasure
redefine success
get out of your own way
let go of fear
believe in your dreams
work with your support system
shake off disappointment
find joy in the struggle
have a regular sleeping schedule
healthy eating habits while also not being too hard on yourself. treat yourself in moderation
get outside and soak up that vitamin D
spend way less time on technology!!!!
reduce stress
take daily vitamins
maintain social connections

I took Pepper for a walk this morning at our favorite spot. I love being able to make my pets happy. That really fulfills me tbh. We had a good power walk and we ran for a bit. But Pepper’s leg started to bother her so we kept it short. As we were walking back to the car, Pepper was getting slower and the car wasn’t too far so I decided to just carry her and all of her 50lbs back to the car! She loves to be carried and I could tell she really appreciated the lift. It felt like a whole movie in my head because I was just fully immersed in the moment. One day I won’t be able to take her for walks or carry her so I am just glad to even be able to do what we love while we have the chance.

After we got home, I fed Pepper and rebuilt her dog house because I was struggling way too much with it yesterday! I have such a love hate relationship with washing dishes. It gives me time to think but I also just hate the mess. Isn’t it crazy how there are always dishes to wash even after you already washed?! I hope my future partner likes washing dishes. My heart will be happy to have someone to wash dishes with. I just think daily house chores would be so much more enjoyable when you are cleaning a home that you share with someone that you love. Maybe it’s just because I’m Mexican and cleaning is something that we regularly do that I just look forward to cleaning with my partner and having them listen to my music, lol.

I washed and detailed my car afterward. My grandpa was happy to see that because I had let my car get dirty that ONE time during all the fires so then he had to wash it. He was the first person to wash my car and the first person to drive my car. I just really love him. He’s not my blood grandpa but he’s the only grandpa I know and that’s all I need. Anywho, there is still burnt ash on my car even after the many times of washing it. You really get to look at your car up close when you wash it by hand, I feel like I find a new spec each time and it drives me wild. I really want to invest in getting a protective coat so that I can preserve the original paint job. I also need to invest in car seat covers so that I can keep my car free of dog hair and keep dog drool off of my seats. I just really want to take care of my car in every which way possible because it really is my baby! It’s one of those things that you have to overcome imposter syndrome with. I remind myself every day that I am worthy and deserving of my car. I like when strangers stop me to talk about my car, those are the moments that remind me that I really did work hard to get my baby. Lol and you can really tell how proud I am of myself when I talk about my car! It’s my first big girl purchase and my ticket to my freedom :’)

I cleaned the driveway and trash cans after. Something about dirt and germs has really been bugging me extra so I’m on this whole cleaning spree. I like it though. It’s taught me that being grateful for a home means maintaining the outside too, like the stuff people usually brush off because they’re “busy.” It’s all slowly but surely coming together. I want to save money so that I am able to build a new and improved fence because the current one is pretty depressing to look at.

I wish money wasn’t such a big factor in the human experience. I have been redefining my view of money but one can’t ignore that money is something needed just so that we could have our basic life taken care of. I could be fixing up the house for my mom if money wasn’t an issue. I could freaking afford to go to college. I could afford regular therapy and psychiatric appointment. And as much as the lack of money makes me cry, I am incredibly grateful to even be where I am in life. I may not have it all but I have all that makes me happy and that fulfills me. Patience is key. I’m only 22, I’m not supposed to have it all figured out yet. But I think it’s just something that runs deep because I always saw my family worry about money and they always stressed how important it was to save and pay everything ahead of time. Idk. My family really comes from nothing. It literally wasn’t until my mom had my siblings and I that my family lineage finally got a break from worrying about money. My great grandma was a single mom with 7 kids so they made their clothes by hand. They would have to put cardboard in their shoes. They only had a nickel to buy food. It’s just wild to me how money really has no actual value, humans just decided to make it valuable. It’s just ugh, it really bothers me that not every human can have their basic needs taken care of simply just because they weren’t born into money. Like that really fucking sucks and I am so tired of people suffering and it really aggravates me that there are people who make money off of others and they claim to be successful when actuality, they would be nowhere without the backs of the people making their business run. I just think people deserve actual living wages so that no one has to every worry about a roof over their head or if they will eat that day or not. Sorry I just feel really strongly about providing care for others. Fuck the government every day, that is all.

Notes from today:

Despite the naysayers, I have made my dreams come true
With great power comes great responsibility
the greatest works of moral philosophy are emotional
- how the world is and ought to be
so much knowledge lies within the power of books
sometimes you just have to leap into the unknown and see what happens
“When something dope comes along, you gotta lock it down. If you’re always frozen in fear and taking too long to think about what to do, you’ll miss your opportunity, and maybe get sucked into the propeller of a swamp boat.”
Have the confidence to sweep in elegantly and take charge
Confidence comes from failure. You live and you learn
Have a great mind AND a great heart
Our intuition is the voice that has been guiding us in each and every lifetime
Aristotle and Plato supported slavery so we don’t like them
It’s all about Hypatia of Alexandria!!!
We must ask our to be partners, “How are you mad?”
- we’re all crazy, we just gotta find someone who matches that madness
“Breakdowns are often a prelude to a breakthrough”

Overall, it was a beautiful Sunday. I ended my day with some cat cuddles from Odessa and I made time for my journaling. I’m alive 🙂 October 15th, 2020 marks one year since I had my breakdown. I definitely want to celebrate my life because I really did not believe that I was going to live to see another day. But here I am! :’)

XoXo,

Alexis Mariah