I — I am speechless. Something in me did a complete 180º. Well okay, I do know what happened and it was just a domino effect of the last few months where I cut out all toxicity from my freaking life! I make independence look so damn refreshing and beautiful. I didn’t know that I would ever find this sort of peace in life but alas, I found it while sorting through my traumas just to finally bask in my self-love at the end of the journey.

For once, I really might be at a loss for words. Sol and I were talking this morning about this feeling she had, she said felt a little empty but not really empty. After going over her feelings I tell her, “Sol, I don’t think that what you’re feeling is empty. I think what you’re feeling is stress-free.” And that’s when it hit us both! We haven’t been stressing in a very long time. Granted we do have our little moments but nothing that lasts as long as it used to.

I actually did have an emotional mishap on Tuesday. I’m honestly not sure what sparked it. I had a good morning! I did my morning yoga, I journaled, cleaned the house, took care of the fur babies, and I talked to Sol. Then all of a sudden after I got out of the shower, I was hit with a wave of sorrow. I found myself crying like a baby, overcome with this surge of sadness and I didn’t know what to do besides riding it out so that’s what I did.

The surge went away just as instantaneously as it had come. Well okay, I cried for a good hour or so but after that, I was back to my regular degular Tuesday mood. I was laughing at myself for being a little baby but hey, we all need a good cry every once in a while so I felt pretty relieved afterward. Refreshed actually! I processed everything afterward and came to realize those feelings were just the last bit of my old skin shedding away. All the pain and betrayal I had felt over the years had finally washed away.

It only seemed right to complete the washing of away of my past so of course, I had to become one with mother nature. In just a short 3 hour drive away, I was able to do just that. I had such a fun time driving the Lexus lol. I swear it was the best thing I ever could have done for myself. Buying my dream car and spending my days in nature away from the busy hectic world that so many are caught up in. If I could spend the rest of my days being a short distance away from a body of water, I could definitely die happy, lol.

Anyways, please make your mental health your number one priority, always. I didn’t know how depressing living my life for others had made me. It wasn’t until I started truly living my life for myself that I truly felt what pure joy and bliss are. It’s pretty amazing only having to make yourself happy. We are all responsible for our own happiness at the end of the day so we might as well do everything in our power to lead a life worth living. Plus, you don’t want to be on your death bed having any regrets. Now that would truly be the worst tragedy any human can do to themselves.

XoXo,

Alexis Mariah ❣️