Blog Posts

Being Bipolar: Goals and Medications

Ugh, y’all. It isn’t easy being bipolar. It isn’t being human in general. But holy geez has it been so healing to listen to music from artists who suffer from bipolar disorder, or even mental illness in general. It’s just so wonderful to be reminded that one isn’t alone especially when they suffer from a mental illness that makes everyday life a difficult thing to do. Embracing my spiritual side has definitely helped relieve some symptoms but it’s still a difficult thing to work through. But hey, I’ve been taking my medications and vitamins regularly again! Some days are harder than others but now those difficult days don’t stop me from achieving my dreams.

As I’ve had more time in my day to do things that make me happy, I’ve really been focusing on healing myself at the same time. Something that’s been really sticking in my head is the fact that people always tell me how determined I am and whatever I put my mind to, I complete. They’re so right! And it’s been critical for me to remind myself of the fact that I am such a determined intelligent compassionate powerful young Latinx. Like damn, I really am out here making my dreams come true every day. It’s funny because I remember that as a kid, every time I would make a wish, I wished for happiness. I wished for world peace. Little Alexis was always too caring for her own good, and I still am but now I have boundaries and I really make it a point to not overextend myself.

I was reading Eat, Pray, Love in my bath (I know, that’s literally all I do! But it makes me happy) and I came across the part where Liz talks about her little journey with anti-depressants. I always feel less alone when I hear people mention the medications they take and one or two meds so happen to be ones that I take! Wellbutrin is one of them. It’s an antidepressant that helps balance neurotransmitters (norepinephrine and dopamine) in your brain. When I started Wellbutrin last October, it was the first time that I ever saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m a paranoid person so when I started feeling my depression symptoms lighten, I honestly thought it was just a placebo effect. After two weeks, the darkness that was haunting me for so long was slowly dissipating. I didn’t get diagnosed with bipolar disorder until this past March so I was still feeling pretty depressed. I still take Wellbutrin every day and it’s been pretty beneficial to my well being. So if you’re looking for an antidepressant, I would recommend discussing with your doctor about your interest in Wellbutrin. I honestly haven’t had any negative side effects but everybody is different! The one side effect I noticed that I was having was a loss of appetite but it didn’t bother me because I needed to lose all that summer weight I gained from drinking so much, lol. It worked out!

Since I’m talking about the medications I take, I should talk about Trileptal. It’s an anticonvulsant some doctors prescribe as a mood stabilizer. I started taking it in March. It was definitely the missing piece in my prescription cocktail. I haven’t had any side effects with this medication either so I’m very lucky to have found a mood stabilizer so early on in my mental health journey. I also take gabapentin (anti-anxiety) and trazodone (sedative) but eh, I don’t take them anymore. The gabapentin worked in the beginning but I think it might’ve been a placebo effect. I hadn’t taken it in months until this past week and it honestly did not help my anxiety at all. Trazodone is well complicated. It does make me super sleepy but it doesn’t help me stay asleep. It also gives me the worst nightmares so I only ever take it when super necessary. I’m hoping to switch to a new anti-anxiety and sleeping pill soon. I just wish doctors listened to their patients enough. I would like to say I’m a perfect patient and I follow directions correctly down to at. But it’s pretty frustrating when you tell your doctor that a medication isn’t working for you and they brush it off.

But alas, this is also why I am going into the psychology field because yes the field has made great strides in recent years but we are still so far behind. It’s pretty crazy to think that lobotomies were still being performed in the freaking ’50s!!! Ugh, it gives me chills. I look forward to making great advancements to a brighter future for everyone.