So considering we’re in a pandemic, I’ve taken the route of celibacy which is something I never really thought much about nor really understood why people would do such a drastic thing. I’ve always been pretty open about my sexuality I would say. I believe anyone can have relations with whoever gets your socks off and don’t worry about what other people think. Have sex with as many or as little people as you want. Be safe and have consensual sex. I would say I leaned more towards the sexual side of things, as in, I could never fathom why someone would ever stop having sex if they didn’t have to! But now I understand it.

Okay, so I took the challenge of celibacy on because I was reading about how people who were already doing it were really able to connect with their bodies on a deeper level. They were also able to transmute their sexual energy into that of a creative one. This sparked some curiosity in me. I couldn’t really grasp my head around the thought that abstaining from sex could have benefits. It just didn’t make sense. I just didn’t fully understand the concept of being careful who you share your energy with. If you think about it, you don’t know all that goes in your sex partner’s life, especially if they’re just some one night stand, you don’t know what kind of life they live. Are they a good person? Do they have negative intentions? You just don’t want someone to bring the stress that their feeling in their personal lives into this encounter. Like ew just imagine have sex with someone who is a shitty ass person who doesn’t tip wherever they go!!! Couldn’t be freaking me omg.

Celibacy has taught me what I don’t want in my encounters, and to focus more on the things I do want. I want to only have sex with people who care about me, who have the best intentions, who are peaceful people, who freaking think I’m super duper amazing and so goddess like, lol. Basically, I just want to have encounters with people who are vibrating on my frequency. I don’t want to ruin my energy with some guy who has an unhappy home life because they can’t get the courage to leave their girlfriend. It’s honestly so peaceful protecting ones energy. You vibrate so high and only involve yourself with those that are similar to you.

Hmm I’ve been struggling with my words lately but I’m trying to work around it. So let me just get to the point, I basically became celibate to sort of just “start over.” I wanted to rid myself of all the energy people had left behind in their encounter with me. I was such a different person back then that I just want to leave everything in the past and have a lighter future. I am picky about who I let into my life because I work towards a better well-being for myself every day. I can’t just let some random partner ruin that. I don’t need any negative energy around me so I do what I can to keep it out of my life by not messing around with subpar people.

Doing this has helped me in ways I didn’t think would happen. I fell deeper in awe of myself. I found myself sexier! I could get aroused just by my own touch, I didn’t need anyone else to get me off. All that I wanted from sex with another person, well I found that I was able to just give it to myself. I was taking care of my body because I wanted to feel good in it, not look good for anyone else.

Oh and I also learned that ugh, I do have some issues around sex that I have to work through. Like how I get fearful of letting my emotions show after sex because I don’t want to seem clingy. If I am unsure of where I stand with the person, my heart gets pretty confused after sex so I start to distant myself. I enjoy the situation so much yet I stop myself from fully feeling that experience simply as a defense mechanism to guard my fragile heart. With learning all this, I learned that I really do want my experiences moving forward to be romantic ones. To be spontaneous but also well thought out. I want someone to plan a little something for us to connect on an incredibly deep spiritual level. I just want it to have a purpose! Of course, you can have sex just because it is sex, it’s fun. But I want to have sex because I have feelings for x person and that I want us to freaking transcend together. I want to make sure we both spiritually align before connecting on an intimate level.

Ugh, its not easy though!! I have urges that I want to give into because why not, but alas, I really have been getting used to celibacy so now I’m just like, well I made it this far, I might as well continue waiting for the right moment. For that moment where it feels like the very first time again. Where my partner and I connect on a level that is beyond this world. I want the whole package, the red lights, the candles, the music, the flowers, literally all of it! And honestly, it is not too much to ask for because we all freaking deserve to have encounters that have meaning, that have care and thought put into them.

I’m just saying, we all need to start valuing ourselves more. If we value ourselves, we value others. And vice versa. The world needs some more love so let’s spread it.

I highly recommend taking time for yourself and rebalancing your energy. Don’t lower your vibrations for anyone!

Mucho amor!