I’m currently cleaning my car in hopes of being able to stay busy. I’ve been attempting to spend less time on social media and more with myself since the universe wants me to ground myself and what not. It has been difficult to say the least. The difficult part is just letting ones mind wander freely instead of trying to fill it with outside information. What I have trouble with is just learning how to balance the type of thoughts I have. See my brain likes to feed me negative stories about myself so I’m constantly having to change my thought process which also in turn has me distracting myself with outside sources. So I have to somehow not think too much so I don’t drive myself insane but also think just enough so I can exercise my brain.

The balance of it all is a difficult tango to do. Honestly it’s just extra difficult because we’re in a p*ndemic and the world is just a shit show right now. It’s always a shit show but this is just a little more difficult because of the p*ndemic. I’m really freaking struggling trying to keep my head afloat but at least I’m trying! I just don’t understand how we’re supposed to be growing and working on ourselves while also giving ourselves some stretching room to be okay with not being perfect but while ALSO trying to not lose our minds because of everything that is going on in the world. It’s really hard! How can I focus on becoming one with the universe to find my divine love while there’s people being murdered by cops on a daily basis. I just, I don’t get it. Life is complicated to say the least.

But I guess the most consoling thing that helps to remember is that the human life is supposed to be complicated. It’s been complicated for as long as we can trace back. I’ve been watching a bunch of history documentaries and it’s just like damn, humans really are a whole mess!!! How is an empath like me supposed to just be okay with the fact that the human life “requires” the levels of difficulty that we face throughout our time? I’m supposed to work on my spirituality while there are people being murdered, starved, tortured. It’s pretty mind boggling. Even crazier that nothing we go through is anything new because history repeats itself.

Speaking of history repeating itself!! Guys ugh, maybe I worry too much about life because my worries are starting to show up as nightmares when I’m sleeping. I had a nightmare last night that aliens took over the world but that specific day of them taking over, it kept repeating over and over again because humans weren’t learning their lesson. Humans can be so selfish and let their ego get in the way, even when they know that the way to break the cycle is to let the ego go. I don’t know. It was pretty scary! We all live single lives but we’re also tied into this world together at the same time. It would be super beneficial if humans took some self responsibility to be honest.

I really do wonder if world peace can ever be a thing. I understand that part of being human is going through the human struggles but I don’t think it has to be as intense as we what we deal with currently. The bar can be raised a bit so that our suffering isn’t as bad during our time here on earth. I just want to save the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t do that lol. Or maybe I can, we shall see where life takes me.