Hey Siri, play “Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg

I am slowly coming back to the “real world.” My friends and I disconnected for a few days and spent some much-needed quality time together. All I can say is that I ended a very difficult chapter of my life. I said goodbye to all my years of pain and welcomed in a new chapter, a more loving and happier one. In one of my new books, they were talking about how it’s difficult to find physical words to describe a nonphysical experience. And although my birthday was filled with many physical experiences, I cannot find the words to describe what I felt during my nonphysical experience.

My birthday celebration started on Monday, the 15th. This is when I started the process of treating myself to some extra TLC. Of course, I started out with a hot both with eucalyptus epsom salts. I shaved my entire body which gave me further appreciation of the times when we were able to go get waxed (being hairless is just a personal preference. I like being smooth). I continued the day with a hair and face mask. My best friend came over after work since we were going on a road trip in the morning. The sad part of that night is that my hamster, Kenny Rogers, passed away. I’m still processing it. I’m pretty freaking sad if I’m going to be completely honest. My pets are just my kids so I feel as if I lost a piece of myself with Kenny’s passing. But I’m trying to not be so sad and just calmly accept that he is simply no longer here with us physically, but his energy is still with us. I just miss coming home and seeing that he would wake up to the sound of my voice to greet me. I’m just here trying to understand why I experience a death every year right around my birthday. I’m assuming its the universe physically telling me I am coming to an end of a chapter in my life.

Sol and I woke up a little later than I had wanted on the 16th because we fell asleep pretty late because we were mourning Kenny so it’s fine. Lol, thank you to my best friend for doing the hard part of moving Kenny’s body. Anyways, we had a quick little 6.5-hour drive to Paradise Cove. We did some much needed inner-child work at the beach. See we knew we were going to be healing on this trip we just weren’t exactly sure what kind of healing we would be doing. Lol, so Sol and I’s healing process goes like this: we come together to talk about what sort of blockages we are having, we separate to do the inner work that one needs to do with themselves, then when we’re both ready, we come back together and discuss the realizations we had and what changes we will be implementing into our daily lives moving forward. We also give each other the perspective the other was missing which we have come to learn is one of our purposes in each other’s lives! So as we were driving back home, we were talking about our realizations. Mine is that sadly, I’ve always been the one holding myself back in life. My fears of being a true leader stopped me in my path because I was scared of taking the leap of faith in situations. I didn’t want to go out of my safe zone not knowing if others had accomplished what I was seeking. I didn’t want to go down a path that was calling out to my soul because I was scared of going down a path that is unknown to me. Even though my soul and heart were aching for a particular experience, I went against myself because my ego was feeding me nothing but negativity.

Moving forward, I will now be trusting myself and my intuition wholeheartedly. My ancestors want me to honor them by letting all my fears and worries go. Which isn’t easy!!! I’m a worry wort because I fear the pain of life. I’ve been through so much that I’m scared of any of it happening again. But I have to remind myself that I survived the worst of it all. My life was so difficult early on in order for me to gain experiences and to help align myself with my higher self. If I survived everything else, I’ll definitely be surviving what is to come. But I also have to raise my vibrations in order to attract things with similar vibrations to mine. Think positively! I will remind myself every day that I am the one who controls my future. I really used to think I had to wait on someone else to make my dreams come true but I was totally wrong. I can do all that on my own and more!

The 17th is when I really started my birthday celebrations! It’s where I got to let go of control and let others take care of me. The healing we all had individually and as a group at the beach was revitalizing. I don’t have many words to describe that day as a lot of what I felt was nonphysical. Nonetheless, it was heartwarming to have some of my closest friends beside me.

The 18th, my birthday 🙂 Happy 22nd birthday to myself, my queen. Thank you to everyone for all the sweet birthday messages. Here’s to many more memories and celebrations!

I didn’t realize how tiring it can be to shed an old version of yourself. But it is so worth it, no matter how tiring it can be. Celebrate every step of your progress. You deserve it!

“Let love grow.”