Siri play: “Mind Sex” by Dead Prez

Good afternoon! Despite not sleeping much, I actually ended up having a really great day! This is only my 3rd day of really just being one with the universe and it’s going great. It’s not a process I’m trying to rush. Well, I wanted to but my spirit guides have been really getting on my ass about relaxing and enjoying the journey so I began my day a bit more mindful.

I usually don’t have my first meal of the day until well into the afternoon which is a really bad habit. As of recently, I’ve made it a point to have some type of breakfast. I’ve always had problems with my appetite which most people wouldn’t think of because I’m a little thicky girl lol. But y’all I’ve had body issues since I was a child. Latinx families have this toxic trait of tearing each other down and commenting on someone’s weight, even if they’re only a child. My whole family always gave me sh*t for being thicker than other girls but it’s like YOU are the ones teaching ME eating habits. I’m learning from you guys. Also maybe it would be smarter to NOT comment on a growing teenager’s body so she doesn’t have body dysmorphia for the rest of her life. See and then families wonder why we stay away from them. Dios mio! I starved myself for a very long time but to my demise, my body refused to eat the fat and instead stored the fat and made me keep the weight! What a scam. Anyways so I have problems with not eating at all because of old habits and the fact that something in me has trouble eating. Things just aren’t appetizing so I partake in the devil’s lettuce which helps me have an appetite thus being able to enjoy eating again! And with my spirits and doctors telling me how important it is to eat regularly, I have started!

I’m a pretty open consumer of weed. My family doesn’t really know, well I guess they do now, but my friends have known for a long time. I really believe in what weed has to offer. Yes of course, just with anything in excess, it can be bad but the worst that can really happen is someone falling asleep or having the munchies. There are cases of heightened anxiety levels but there’s so much that goes into that, not just the THC itself. One’s environment, mental state, as well as how their body breaks down the compounds in weed all affect one’s experience. I really want to provide people with proper information on weed so they can break their stigmas against it. I have over 4+ years of experience and I would say I know a good amount of information but of course one can always learn more. I consume weed and I take prescription pills so I know both sides to each of those arguments. I can go on for days informing people of the benefits and the not so benefits of either or.

That is why I have chosen to go down the path of research in psychology! More importantly, researching how drugs of all kinds affect people. Each type and each dosage of a drug affects individuals so differently. It’s hard for me to explain what my brain is trying to say so don’t hate me if this is not worded properly. I consume weed and I take prescription pills so I know both sides to each of those arguments. There are pros and cons to both and those vary from person to person. When taking everything into account, you have to factor in the differences of each drug, its dosage, the environment the person is in, as well as their mental state. Then you have to factor in really not having a definite answer on how it will affect someone. Of course, the point of research is to have definite answers but at least in this day and age, we really can’t have a definite answer on how drugs affect individual people. We have studies with large sample sizes to get results that better reflect the population. And that works, but not entirely. There’s a big factor missing which is taking into account that our bodies may break certain compounds down differently than others. Research is expensive and time-consuming so I assume that’s why there’s this missing information. It’s also the fact that big pharmaceutical companies are so damn corrupt. Honestly, the whole pharmaceutical industry needs to be redesigned. It all sounds like a given I know but trust me, most people don’t know any of this! It’s not their fault, our society completely lacks being able to properly educate people and we tend to base our opinions on what we were told growing up instead of creating our own opinions from our own experiences. Thus we must educate ourselves every day!

I have about 12 years left of my education. I will be apart of the 5% of psychologists that identify as Latinx. I wonder what that percentage is for Latinx womxn. Basically, I’m breaking every type of statistic and stereotype in my lifetime. I’m hoping I’m able to gain some more experience until then so that I can have that on my resume early on. Psychology has always been my thing, I’ve been reading psych textbooks since I was in middle school lol. But it wasn’t until recently that I decided research is the field I want to go into. I just don’t personally know any psychologists or really anyone in the psychology field. This p*ndemic isn’t helping that either but I’m staying positive. I know the prosperous opportunities that are meant for me will happen in divine timing. Until then, if anyone wants to help ya girl make some contacts, that would be very helpful!

Fun fact: Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, enjoyed coca*ne. Which I find pretty interesting because his work is still talked about today in every psych class. I’m just surprised his work didn’t get discredited. I’m not saying it should because his work is really important but I think that just shows that drugs don’t make anyone less smart (drug addictions are a whole other thing but that is also a mental illness) and we should all change our perspective on the people who do drugs. But that is just my opinion!

Any-who, thank you all for reading! This has really become a great form of therapy for me and it fills my heart to be able to share my ideas with others. Omg, I didn’t even mention that I started to journal again! I’ve journaled on and off since high school but now that I am finally able to organize my thoughts and just be in the moment, I now have the attention span to put pen to paper 🙂 I’m a Gemini and I have bipolar disorder, so you can only imagine how many thoughts I have at once. It gets really overwhelming thus making it easy to fall into a whole loop in my head. I have gotten so much clarity through journaling and taking the time to practice being mindful of my thoughts. If anyone else struggles with racing thoughts, journaling is the thing to do! I know everyone recommends it but there’s a reason. If you’ve been thinking about journaling then let this be the sign that you should! I know for me when I was trying to get back into journaling, I was putting it off for so long because I was looking at it as a chore and that I HAD to write in it everyday because so many people write in theirs every day. That perspective really stopped me for a long time. But as of yesterday, I now look at journaling as a way to organize my brain. I like to categorize things so I can separate the thoughts in my mind and have a “correct” place to put them. Each page has its own ideas. Ah, I am lacking the vocabulary to explain so I’m just going to show you pictures to explain what my brain can’t. I apologize for my chicken scratch writing!

“Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” – Sigmund Freud, lover of snow