My aura (pictured above) explained by @brookedelaplaya on Twitter: “The pink, yellow, purple, and white within you are representing all of your pure and genuine love and creativity flowing within you. It’s a constant beautiful flow. The blue, purple, and green around you are representing your heart and crown chakras being open and natural healing energy that you carry.”

Along my journey in life, I was hurt quite a few times. As I’ve talked about before, a lot of my trauma comes from my family and how my dad treated me growing up. I’ll always have a deep care for my dad but the connection between us is just completely tethered. I was torn apart into little pieces time and time again until one day I decided that enough was enough and I wasn’t going to take that type of treatment anymore. A weight was lifted right off my shoulders in that very instant. It’s funny because it makes me laugh looking back at all the pain now because I can finally understand that all those painful experiences were meant to happen. All of our experiences are meant to help us learn and grow into our truest selves.

My dad grew up in an abusive household and that’s where a lot of his childhood trauma comes from. And unfortunately, that hurt got past down to me. He didn’t beat me but the emotional abuse was my normal. It would completely break me that he would compare his raising of me to how his dad raised him. I would be told that well, I should be glad I wasn’t beat or raped or x y and z. I should be grateful and respect my dad because the pain could’ve been much worse. But no! Those are things you should never compare. How messed up is it to tell your own kid that they should be happy they weren’t beat? Like what? Who says that? Even in our therapy sessions, the same stuff would get repeated to me numerous times. I was constantly belittled because for some reason, my dad feels the need to just pick on me and I’m really not sure why. It breaks my heart that he is unable to look at himself in the mirror and face his actions. But I’ve come to terms with everything and I’ve forgiven him for everything he has done to me. For all those fights he would cause at my birthday parties, for having to bail him out of jail for getting a DUI, for constantly commenting on my weight, for constantly telling me how ungrateful I am. I have forgiven him for some really terrible fucked up shit and I am still allowed to be hurt by it. Just because it was my normal doesn’t make it any less okay.

At the end of the day, it all had to happen to tear me down to my core so I can build myself back up into a person that I want to be. It had to happen so I could learn how to stand up for myself and trust my intuition. For a long time, I was so miserable because I believed every terrible thing that my dad and others would tell me. I believed it because well, he’s my dad and parents wouldn’t be so cruel to their own kids, right? But I was wrong, lol. And it took many layers of myself to be shed to get to where I am now. I wanted freedom and I finally got the courage to do it! I had to embrace the unknown in every sense of the word and just pray that I don’t freaking fall. And sometimes you do fall and that’s okay. The universe doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.

I guess it also goes to say that I had to learn what love is and isn’t. Love isn’t kicking someone while they’re down. Love isn’t belittling someone. Love doesn’t make you question your worth. I had to learn what I desire from my life. I had to let go of the zombies in my head. Sometimes they want to persist but I don’t pay them much attention.

And I had to stubbornly, and I mean super stubbornly, learn the hard way heartbreak after heartbreak, that even though people are supposed to give and enrich our lives, sometimes they just can’t and the hurt that they impose are part of their karmic lessons. They are part of ours as well but them not being able to be able to celebrate your victories in life is on them, it isn’t on us. “How you see me is none of my business. How I see myself is all of my business.”

My gift for healing myself is healing my family lineage 7 generations before me and 7 generations after me. I am blessed enough to have had the strength to heal myself and wow, what a treat that is! I have the power within me to speak my wants, needs, and desires. Healing your family lineage isn’t easy and it takes some major fearlessness to get back into the basics of your foundation and deciding to do a whole remodel on it. It just makes me so incredibly overjoyed knowing my kids will have such a loving supportive warm and caring household to grow up in! Like wow, I’m going to be such a cool mom lol.

Silly enough, having kids are definitely one of my wishes in life and I know it’s part of my destiny. The universe put me on this journey of perseverance and determination in order for me to have the strength to go the distance to find clarity. I had to work through all my fears and learn how to work with my ego in a healthy manner. I had to learn how to be okay with being alone so that I could have a strong self when going into a partnership. And because I’ve worked on myself, I get to be awarded a partner of my dreams! Someone who provides emotional safety, security, fulfillment, and someone strong enough to be my equal which is all I have ever freaking wanted. How exciting!

If there was no chance to fail, would you still be afraid? Take a chance. Now is the time to go. Jump. Take risks. You will be glad that you did. You are fully supported, surrounded, and loved by your ancestors. You are on your right path.

So you see, even though my journey was pretty treacherous at times and I cried more often than not, it was all necessary! It all had to happen so I could be this strong woman I am today. I had to learn how to create boundaries and speak up for myself despite some people thinking I was crazy for doing all the things I have done. Now my divine partner will be getting such an out-of-this-world Alexis! How lucky is he 🙂

XoXo,

Alexis