Gratitude Turns What We Have Into Enough
Welcome to the first post of my ~journey~. I’ve finished up 4 journals this past year and in these journals, I have been able to capture my whole transformation from a wounded gal to a beautiful confident butterfly. I hope that as you read these posts that you feel that just more confident in yourself because you’re probably just winging this life thing like I am. Yesterday, NYE, I took a beautiful trip looking back at all the notebooks that I have finished and really dove deep into my soul. In these journals, I have found a soul that is looking for everyday happiness and joy. And let me tell youuuu! I have found that and so much more. I found out what true self-love means. I discovered how to have patience with myself and others. I found Alexis.
Anywho, I hope you all enjoy 🙂 I know people are going to have their opinions on my life but honestly, I don’t care. I am so happy to be living my life, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I hope that you find happiness in your life as well. Remember, this blog is alwaysssss a judgment-free zone!
*BTW I guess you could say these are 18+ stories so yeah, read with discretion*
12/05/19 (First entry):
I’ll get to writing soon.
12/09/2019 @ 2:40am
Well Idk how to start this, as per usual. This is my attempt at writing again, for many reasons: my brain, manifestation, peace, everything. I’m trying to figure out what exactly I want from life in order to gain some clarity. I feel like it’s just a never-ending battle of my mind vs my mind.
Well, I guess I can do a rundown on what’s happened in the last few months. Two months ago, I took Adderall and stayed up until 7am, had a complete breakdown, and had to drop in with a doctor. I got some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. Worked at *******, met some pretty cool people! Boys? Things with Taurus (name change due to me erasing them from my past lmaoooo), done. Aries, done. but I still think about him with love and disgust. Politics and I we ****** while *** **** ***. Lol. I love Libras but yikes, LDE (little dick energy). Tangerine is Tangerine. Giraffe has a girlfriend, don’t know if we will ever mess around again. Omg fucking Cancer came back into my life. What a fucking mess. Still hurt! But I feel stronger. Fucked this Capricorn and well things are weird to say the least… I guess I thought he was cute. Literally, feelings for someone makes you so blind. Idk. The sex is good and I do enjoy talking to him at times. But the cringiest parts for me are too much. I know it won’t work out for us, he knows it (probably not) so then why are we both so pressed about the end result? Ugh. I just go back and forth of having clarity and not having clarity. Shit is difficult, to say the least.
Anyway, I’m really trying to figure out who I am, what I want/don’t want, and just essentially who I am as a whole. And I guess and I hope I can, and that one day, I’ll look back at this journal and just be so damn grateful that I came so far. Despite all the L’s, I still came out to the top. You go future me! Good luck to the present me. Thank you past me. Wow, just thinking about the future, I can’t wait to see what my life will be like. Who will I marry? How many kids? Am I the badass therapist/doctor I knew I would become? Ugh see, listening to feel good music really affects my mood. Currently playing: I’ll Take You There by The Staple Singers. Now I just feel like things will be okay! Lmao, I’m wearing Capricorn’s shirt and socks.
12/27/2019 @ 4:20pm
Gratitude for 2019:
- Myself
- My pets being healthy
- My personal growth in all aspects of my life
- My friends always being there for me
- My doctor being understanding and helpful
- My grandma getting better after her strokes
- My relationship with my grandparents
- Getting better control of my moods and thoughts
- My happiness
- My open heart
- The lessons and pain that I learned from
- Spending more time with Sol
- My mom being there for me (even though she irks me)
- Being able to travel (Seattle, LA, Vegas, Texas, Mexico)
- Spending time with Liam
- Finding self-respect
- Film cameras that Johnny gives me
- Good food!!!
- The chances and abilities I get/have
What I Deserve for 2020:
- excellent grades
- less stressful semesters
- better time management
- lovely and kind professors
- classmates to study with
- opportunities from/for school/work to get into my career field
- Money – abundance
- credit card always being paid off. keeping the c.c. under $200 by paying it off
- Always having at least $1-3k in my debt card
- Having at least $2k in my savings
- Starting and adding money into a 401k
- Being well off + better money management skills so that I don’t stress about money
- Investing in things I care about to build my money safely
- Keeping $50 in my fastrak always
- Getting my nails, wax, hair, gas, etc. paid for because I deserve it
- Myself
- Happiness, love, self-love, abundance, healing, patience, peace, understanding
- A job that will fit perfectly in my schedule, relates to mental health/children/medical field, will make me happy. Let’s step into my life path and make some connections.
- Peace, patience, love, and understanding with my family
- Patience with life
What I Want In A Partner:
- A love that nourishes, that feeds and replenishes, that sees me, that seeds me, a love that grows me. Plants and roots me, reroutes me, and sprouts me anew. A love for me.
Things To Remember in 2020:
- I am trusting that what is for me is for me because I am manifesting its work and worth both in spirit and action
- You are more than what you are healing from
- You no longer have to play it safe; no longer do you need to walk in the shadows of your purpose. Live boldly, live freely, unapologetically. It is my time
- You’re bigger, better, and brighter than you could ever imagine
- Trusting that, whatever is here, in this present moment, is here to teach me something
- I am choosing to love with purpose, on purpose
- You don’t have to downplay your success to balance out their mediocrity
- Not every question we put out to the universe deserves or requires an immediate answer… Sometimes the question alone is all the offering needed to align our seeds with our harvest
- I am putting my faith in the unseen, trusting that the seeds I have planted will bear their fruit when it is their time. You cannot rush your harvest
- You get to shed whatever is no longer participating in your growth
- I don’t love everything about myself, but I love enough of myself to know my whole self is worthy of a righteous love
