Currently playing: “It Gets Better (With Time)” by The Internet

It’s like I don’t even know how to write anymore. These past two years have been incredibly difficult. Losing my best friend Maya has thrown me for a loop. Sometimes I can’t even find the words to describe where I’m at with my grief. The best I can say is that I’ve accepted my painful reality. I turn towards my loved ones and we keep Maya’s spirit alive.

Along the way, memories have turned into lessons. One incredible lesson that has stood out is that the quality time spent with someone is invaluable. The only thing we are guaranteed in this life is death. And you don’t want to be regretting not spending time with someone after they’re dead. There’s no going back from that. So while your loved ones are alive, spend time with them!! You’ll be thankful for all the cherished memories and not be worrying about the would’ve, could’ves, or should’ves.

While grieving my best friend, I also stepped forward in helping care for my great grandma Negra ❤️ My #1 Bestie! Going back to when I was in middle school and high school, I would skip school so that my grandma would have someone to walk with her to her doctor’s appointments (from 16th & Mission to 21st & Mission). It was only natural that as she progressed in life that I would want to spend that much more time with her. As her dementia worsened and her turning 93 in April, my mom and I made sure to be advocates for my grandma and speak up about her needs & accommodations. Some annoying family drama happened that added an immense amount of stress on my mom and I’s shoulders. Nevertheless, we persevered in standing up for ourselves and our grandma.

My grandma had been in the hospital late July. My mom and I agreed to bring Grandma home with us because she was going to need 24/7 around the clock care. Mid-August, family drama continued so we had take Grandma back to her older daughters who were willingly in denial about their mother being at the end stage of her life. With multiple falls that my grandma had and the multiple strokes that her daughter (weekday caretaker) had, my grandma had been in and out the hospital for such injuries. Her weekend caretaker daughter had agreed to let her younger sister are in. With my grandma then being at my Tia Butterfly’s house, she was able to spend her last month of her life filled with good food, laughter, and genuine LOVE.

My grandma passed away on October 27, 2023 at home with her loved ones. I’ve lost two phenomenal women in my life. I carry them with me and continue to nurture our connection. Just because I can’t see them doesn’t mean that they’re gone. Their lives on this Earth are complete. I am blessed to live another day. There is sorrow in my heart, but my spirit uses that as fuel to be even more unapologetic in this lifetime.

With love,

Alexis Mariah ❤️

P.S. LOL @ Maya and My Grandma, please do me a solid and bring the LOML into my arms so I can stop annoying y’all with my dramatics. I did NOT come this far just to get this far. Some days are extremely hard but every day I chose to shine my light and spread kindness. Even though there are moments when I just want to fight ignorant incompetent people.