Watch the movie “Melancholia” via Hulu. I watched it today and wow, I wish I had known about its existence a long time ago. If you aren’t a fan of movies or simply just want to know what the movie is about, check this video out:

I may not know much but I do know that if I were to die today in this very second, I would have no regrets. I have spoken my truth in every which way possible. I did that difficult thing of admitting your feelings to someone even if they completely ignore you, lol. I cut out all the toxicity in my life. I am completely head over heels with my own life and all that is in it. I love who I have become. I have made some major sacrifices to get here today and my daily emotional semi-stability is proof that all those sacrifices were worth it all. I’ve really gained the mindset of well, what else do I have to lose? I lost my will to live once and that was the worst pain of all. I survived the darkest depths of my soul, I could survive everything else that comes my way.

I really am so badass for facing my fears and traumas head on and I don’t need anyone to praise me for it because I give myself all the props I need! How beautiful is that, to be so secure in the person that you are. It takes tremendous strength to look at yourself in the mirror, admit your faults and mistakes, and work through all of that in order to have the dream life you desire.

I am human just like everyone else. I have my moments of weakness. I have those moments where I wonder if all of this is even worth it. I wonder if my true love thinks of me or even knows of my existence. I wonder if things will get better. But then I snap myself out of that little twirl of thoughts to remind myself that everything that I have in my life right now, is everything I wished and prayed for so long. The Alexis that I am today knows that without a single doubt that I deserve all the goodness and abundance that the universe has to offer. She deserves it because she has worked so hard. She has faced her fears head-on every single time. Not many people can say that, but I can.

And one day, when my soul is at rest, I will be so grateful that I stuck to my true self the entire time. I have no need to wear a mask that provides some false sense of security by hiding who I am because I love who I am and I’m proud to share this version of myself with the world. In my 3 months of being 22, I have gained so much respect for myself. Every day I work towards my goals, whether that be on the reality level or simply just aligning myself with the frequency of abundance. I am completely at peace with who I am. I hope to find someone who is at peace with themselves as well.

You know the song “He Can Only Hold Her” by Amy Winehouse? That’s how I used to see myself. I saw myself as someone who was completely empty and unavailable because I was unhappy with the people I was dating. I filled up so much of my time with boys because no one was meeting my standards of what I wanted for myself. I was settling for less because that’s what I thought I deserved. But oh no, all the people I have lost, I was meant to lose because they just simply were not meant for me. Now that I have had time to figure out who I am, I see myself as the song, “Isn’t She Lovely?” by Stevie Wonder. I find so much beauty and grace in all the darkness that I have managed to overcome. I let the old Alexis die to let this true Alexis be reborn. Now that is what I call magic.

Thank you for reading. Leave a comment or two, letting me know your thoughts on the question that is my title.

XoXo,

Alexis 💗