I wanted to come on here and talk about something that I have been dealing with the last few days after purchasing my dream car, imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when a person thinks that they’re almost a “fraud” after accomplishing something so great, like buying a car. They brush off their accomplishment as a fluke of luck. In my previous post, I had mentioned that I had asked the universe for some specific signs so that I could feel “safe” moving forward with my purchase and I got every single freaking sign. Once I got my car, I was just in shock. I still am. How can someone like me be able to do this? Am I being smart? Maybe some weird computer thing happened and that’s why I got approved? Who knows.

I would like to say, it also doesn’t help when people are putting their two cents into your decisions. I love my family and they are so caring, but sometimes it can be a little too much. Families just like to make sure you are making rational decisions and I totally respect that! But there’s a balance between looking out for someone versus projecting your financial mistakes onto them. Also, to anyone who is the same boat that I was in where you’re were debating on buying a car, just do it. Think it out and plan accordingly of course but don’t let the projections of others affect your decision. You do not need to start with a total crap bucket car like our parents once did. You do not need to buy a brand spanking new car instead of a used car because of the price. Don’t go out and buy a freaking Maserati, tampoco don’t do that lol. Only you and the universe know the decision you’re supposed to make. Do what makes you happy because YOU are the one paying for the car at the end of the day. The power is in your hand’s boo.

I had all these thoughts questioning my worthiness of my car. Which doesn’t make sense if you truly think about it because I am so worthy. It’s not like I’ve been doing nothing my whole life because if that were true, then I wouldn’t be having any of this greatness! Plus, it’s just my ego telling me how undeserving I am. All the wishes I had asked the universe for were now coming true, I was finally starting to see the fruits of my labor from those seeds I had planted years ago. I do deserve this. I worked for this. I got my independence and that’s all I ever freaking dreamed of. I prayed every day just to be free from the narcissist and then it happened. I got my freedom.

Growing up, I was always described as a “gifted” student or the “smart” kid in the family. And they weren’t wrong, I’m pretty damn intelligent but so is everyone else just in their own ways. As smart as I may be, there will always be someone “more/less” smart than I am. Which makes sense because duh, there are too many people in this ever-evolving world for there to just ever be one single genius who is the greatest of all time. There are many different types of imposter syndrome (perfectionist, superwomxn, soloist, expert, and the natural genius) but they’re all pretty much the same concept of course. I feel like I cover the whole umbrella of imposter syndrome lol.

Anyways, so here I am with my new car! I am over the moon but holy f*ck, I was really struggling mentally for a while because I kept asking myself “Do I deserve this? Did I do the right thing?” But I have to remind myself like ALEXIS, you literally told the universe to send you all these signs for confirmation and they sent them. You said if you were able to get approved that you would trust the magic of the universe 100%. I do deserve this!! I just feel as if I don’t deserve this because society makes you feel like you have to start from the complete bottom and then all of a sudden, hit some strike of gold, and then that’s when you can buy things for yourself. But let me tell you, life is too freaking short to ever wait around for the big pile of gold. You’ll soon come to realize that pot of gold you were waiting for was inside of you all along. All your wishes and desires are already granted, you just have to be patient. And then when they do appear, grab your fruits of labor with confidence. You asked for it, remember? So embrace it.

The constant dialogue that has been going on in my head has been a little exhausting but manageable. I know all the answers to my thoughts and it’s just about overcoming the imposter syndrome. But I’m doing it. My subconscious is doing it’s part too because ever since getting my car, I’ve been having dreams of me in the car and just being so overly thrilled. I’m just so happy, even in my dreams!!! Now you can’t tell me I did the wrong thing if I’m happy and so many good things have been happening to me ever since I decided to follow my heart! If I did the wrong thing, then why do I feel so fulfilled with my decision? It’s also very crucial to remember that there are no right or wrong decisions in life, there are just different paths with different lessons for you to learn from. You have to make a choice at the end of the day, so don’t over complicate it by overthinking it. Just freaking do it because you have lessons waiting for you in either choice you make.

After everything with my dad and just becoming my own person, figuring out who I am at my core, it all taught me how much I truly value myself and what I personally think about the choices I make. I have had to unlearn some bad behavior and learn how to challenge the thoughts I have as to not prevent my growth and expansion. I’m doing this for myself, so I can live peacefully and in bliss. But I’m also doing this for my future kids! I am ending the chain of generational trauma in my family. Much of this trauma did not need to get passed down but it did, so I am more than happy to be the one ending that negativity in my lineage. As hard as some of the life challenges may be, it brings peace to my heart knowing my kids will never have to deal with the things I have had to deal with. They’re going to be able to learn and explore freely, without having to worry about some underlying traumas. I think that’s pretty great.

Some affirmations that have helped ease the symptons of imposter syndrome:

• I am deserving of all that is divine.
• I am free of worry.
• I am at peace with who I am.
• I am achieving my goals.
• I am learning my lessons and growing from them.
• I know what is best for me.
• I am appreciative of the beauty in the world around me.
• I will maintain a positive optimistic mindset.
• I do not let fear hold me back.
• I am fearless.

So here I go, off into the world as the wild and fearless woman that I am. Teddy Pendergrass is playing in the background while I write this all up at 7 in the morning. What a beautiful day. Also okay tbh, now that I have my dream car, I have had to exercise great patience. More so in the sense that I have to be patient with what the universe has to offer. Maybe it’s time for me to go on one my famous trips of escaping from the world for a week or two. That’s what I think! I’m just waiting for the universe to give me some signs. Let’s all manifest a little escape trip for me to be able to get away and just be in nature so I can write and read as much as my little heart desires.

XoXo,

Alexis