***ROUGH DRAFT***

• What’s happening around me?
• What’s the message?
• What could be the greater meaning?
• I turn myself off by/when…
• What am I afraid might happen?
• How do I visually represent “out of reach” Alexis?

“If love brought me into the millions like myself, the same love made me leave them on an appointed day to find my own true love. That is how it was. There came a time of special need for someone to love in the midst of loving and being loved, someone both alike and different from those who were copies of myself.” -I, Monty by Marcus Bach

Themes:

Letting go. Surrender. Transformation. Initiative. Flavor. Story. Imagination. Work. Dedication. Forgiveness. True love. Life. Trust your power! Make art. Stay cool while also remembering to lose your cool 🙂 Balance.

Surprise! I’m an overthinker. It feels safe. It feels better to mentally prepare for the worst because I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. I know that I am loved and cared for. I know there are people who want to hear what I have to say. Though I can’t say that I know what exactly I want to say or how I want to say it. I suppose that’s the problem that I’ve been facing. I do have ideas about what I may want to write about;

• How much I love my family and my home (s/o to my nephew/cousin Liam for the idea)
• How I feel like I’m not doing enough and am perpetually falling behind, scraping my knees as I crawl to the never-ending finish line that is life and death in 1.
• How I sometimes feel like I’m fucking up as an adult because I’m lagging on texting people back and making appointments
• How I feel lame/dumb for not knowing where I want my blog to go. I simply know that I love being able to share my voice freely in my own way & that I love inspiring others
• I feel incapable for being lowkey intimidated by keeping track of my finances (though I’m blessed to have a mother who made me a spreadsheet for budgeting lol)
• How I know I want to be a pediatric palliative care doctor but feel dumb for having yet to transfer to a 4-year uni

Honestly, the list can go on and on. I’m not really sure what to do with all of that. One step at a time but where do I start? What are the goals and objectives? What is my mission statement? I don’t even know where to look for answers. Right in front of me would be a start. Starting with myself even though I already feel as if I’m drowning in a pool of Alexis’s, LOL. I do know that… I know who I am, where I come from, where I’m at, and where I’m going.

So considering all of that, I then ask myself… What do I want to share right now? Quite possibly that I am at the point of no return! There’s only going forward in living my purpose, confidently and with vulnerability. Holding the paradoxes of life in my hands as I toss them up and hope for the best. Maybe I’m taking some leap of faith. I just had no idea I had to keep taking that leap of faith everyday. I thought it was a one-and-done thing. But no, it’s as if the jump off the cliff is never-ending. And at some point of all that falling, it feels like flying/flowing.