Living My Truth
02/25/2020
Changes that I have made in my life:
- Make breakfast, drinking enough water
- Taking meds/vitamins daily
- Eating healthier, trying
- Talking openly to my family and friends. Most importantly, myself!
- Journaling + tracking my moods
- Cleaning and maintaining the cleanliness of my room
- Making sure to get some form of exercise
- Meditating
- Making sure I get enough sleep
- Going to class
- Getting the help I need
- Making sure that I get enough sun
- Not eating too late at night
- Eating out less. Less man made food
- Eating in away to stabilize myself
- Being kind and patient with myself
- Strict but flexible with my routine
- Trying not to fall off schedule often
- Limiting my time on social media
- Start a blog -> Get something off my chest, share my experience
- Not hating myself for waking up early
- Music! Listening. Singing. Dancing
- Limit alcohol. Avoid street dr*gs
- Taking Pepper for walks. Cuddling with Odessa
- I’m also trying to spend less time on my phone.
Mood stability is a lifetime journey, not a destination
My dreams feel so real even after I wake up. I have a hard time distinguishing if that dream was real or not.
I want to dedicate time to more of doing photography. That makes me happy. It gets me out of my head. Enjoying the moment by capturing it. But fuck. Film, lenses, cameras are expensive.
I want another job. I need money to pay for myself and help my mom. Gas, fastrak, meds, appointments, food, pet food, hobbies, car needs
*Am I feeling what I’m feeling or is my brain overreacting?*
Because my writing is so crappy I figured that I may as well write out what is in the image for those who are poor of sight like meeeeeee. The words in maroon are the positive things I say to myself. The blue words are the negative things I say to myself. The green ones are topics that take up my mind.
The words in my brain simply represent what I feel sort of is my life I suppose: family, pets, education, self-care, friends, health, meds, thoughts, dreams, sleep, bipolar 2 disorder, depression
- I am strong. Resilient. Beautiful. Caring. Intelligent. Loved. Compassionate. One in a million. Rare. A force of nature. A force to be reckoned with. Recovering. Not my trauma. Not how my dad treats me. I am not the bad person that my dad thinks I am! I can get better. Patience. Growth. Perseverance. I will accomplish my dreams. I will be okay. I will survive. People want to be around me. I am well-liked. People believe in me. I will love myself enough for me. I am my own advocate. I will figure shit out. I am not crazy. I am not my mental illness. I am present. One with the universe. I am growing. Powerful. I will accomplish shit. I believe in myself. I will make a name for myself. My heart is pure. I will help people. I will make my family and myself proud. I am not my episodes. I will make history. I will gain energy for myself. I will live a long happy life. Mood stability. I am not my mental illness. Healing. I will control my intrusive thoughts. Patience. I will be okay. I love myself. I am on my own path. I love myself. I’m not crazy.
- My family will never understand me. Paranoid or just overreacting? I am the black sheep. Forever alone? I am amazing yet I want to die. You are your fathers kid. Unresolved trauma. I am alone. People hate me. I will never have my dad. My dreams feel real. I am stuck in a time loop. I am useless/worthless. I am alone. It will forever be like this. I will forever be on meds. I am broken. No one will understand me. I will give this to my kids. I want to die. I give up. It won’t ever get better.
- Psychosis? Will I be who I plan to be? Are my goals realistic? Will I be in therapy forever? Books! Can I never do dr*gs again? Never drink? Is there a balance? Alcohol. Dr*gs. Weed. Molly. MDMA. Photography. Sex. Exploring myself. Food. Mood Stability.
As of 1/2/21, I have been off social media completely for like monthssssss! Best decision ever. And I freaking started my blog. :’) And my cat passed away in November. RIP Odessa, my baby boy.
