Blog Posts

Morning Thoughts: Forgetting To Take The Meds… and Progress!

Siri play “Call My Phone Thinking I’m Doing Nothing Better” by The Streets ft. Tame Impala

Despite being at home every day, I still somehow manage to forget to take my medications! I know I know, it’s so bad. It’s such a small simple task that only takes like 5 seconds to do. But ugh it is just so easy to forget or to simply just be lazy about! I was much better at taking my meds every day when I was super busy and was always out the house. As of lately, I have been feeling more lazy than usual. I have just been spending a lot of my time just sleeping. Well that was only for two days but see I have sleeping problems so more often than not, I am having trouble staying asleep longer than 4 hours. Even with my sleeping pills, Trazodone, I still can’t sleep. I also just don’t even take Trazodone anymore because the nightmares were so bad. They were making it really difficult to deal with my everyday life because the dreams felt so real that I honestly could not tell the difference between what was a dream and what was a memory. So yeah there’s a pretty big difference between not being able to sleep vs not being able to stay awake for more than an hour or two a day. It’s either too much or too little!

My friends are pretty good at staying on top of me about taking the meds. Of course, they don’t helicopter parent, they just ask every once in a while if I’ve been taking my meds and how it’s all going. I really appreciate that they ask. Sometimes I feel like a total alien because I’m one of the few friends in my group that has to take some type of medication every day. Idk it’s kinda unusual for a 21-year-old to take medications every day right? That’s what I thought but I was wrong. People of all ages take medications every day and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean any one person is any more broken than the other. You wouldn’t tell someone with diabetes that they’re broken for having to take meds every day so duh you wouldn’t call someone with a mental illness broken for their meds either. I’m young but I feel as if I’m doing such a grown-up thing by taking pills every day. But I’m working on my perception of that. I have this perfection thing about me so I always have to be busy 24/7, constantly being productive, but this p*ndemic has definitely changed that for the better. No level of productivity equates to ones amount of selfworth.

Y’all I am just working on myself every day! Writing every morning has proven to be very beneficial to my mental health and I’m learning this just as I type! I guess this is what the universe wants me to do. I have numerous epiphanies occurring in my head on a daily basis. I just feel as if I’m constantly learning. People tend to think that if I’m not replying to their message or have an upset look on my face that I must be ignoring them or that something is bothering me. Like lol no! I am just so stuck in my head and realizing sh*t that I’m just honestly not thinking of much else, let alone thinking of ignoring someone. Also, I’m pretty clueless at times because I am so wrapped up in my head that I just don’t pay attention to things sometimes, oops. Anyways my point being, I just have all these epiphanies going on in my head, and they are pretty great epiphanies, that no one can hear about them if they’re just in my head not being shared with anyone. So that’s why the universe lead me towards a path where I create a blog to share my brain with people! It’s like donating my brain to science while still being alive. Writing more often has helped me organize my thoughts better as well as improve my literacy skills. Maybe they aren’t the best but to be fair, I did learn Spanish at the time that I learned English, so my skills in either language can be a bit subpar at times, but that seldom happens (I had to change the tone of that sentence midway because it doesn’t benefit anyone for me to lower my thoughts of myself). My mental health has been a little unsteady lately but there are so many things that can contribute to that. At least at the end of the day, I haven’t lost all my sh*t because I am taking the time to actively work through this unsteadiness.

I look forward to seeing where this blog takes me. I have some pretty great visions of where it will take me so let’s all just sit back and enjoy the journey, together. I am so thankful to have the support of family and friends because I doubt myself more often than I would like but they help give me the reassurance I need to put my big girl pants on and handle my fears.

“Cats are cool.” – Me

Some Life Updates:

My hamster, Kenny Rogers, that I got over a month ago, is adjusting so well! He’s the first hamster I’ve ever had to tame. He is letting me pick him up but I still don’t trust him to not jump out of my arms again.