Nature Saying Hi
Currently playing: I’ll Stay by The RH Factor & D’Angelo
Yes that is Pepper snorting in the video lol. I’m not really sure why she sounds like a warthog but she’s been like that since we adopted her. I was thinking maybe it’s because she had a repiratory infection when she was in the shelter? Who knows. Anyway, it’s fitting that her name is also Peppa Pig.
A turkey vulture wanted to make its presence known this morning. Lol, a city girl in nature means me thinking every animal in the wild is out to kill me. Then I went down a weird train of thought thinking there’s a dead animal nearby and then I’ll be traumatized because a turkey vulture tried to attack Pepper and me over its food.
This beautiful hummingbird joined me as I picked some lemons from the tree in my backyard. In Spanish, a hummingbird is called a “chuparosa.” One of my great grandma’s nicknames for me is “chuparosa” because I’m always giving her so many hugs and kisses lol. In honor of that nickname and my grandma, I’ve been planning this hummingbird/honeysuckle flower tattoo for the longest. I’ll get it in due time. Back to my point, seeing this hummingbird made me cry! I can’t believe it just sat on the branch like that just letting me be in its vicinity as it did its thing.
I’m taking this as a sign from the universe to continue my path and to just not freaking worry!!! Which has been a challenge for me, learning to let go of worry. It’s easier said than done. It’s hard to let go of something that has been embedded into your DNA slowly killing your lineage. Anxiety is a real thing y’all. It’s common but it doesn’t make it any less impactful in someone’s life. As I’ve mentioned before, learning about intergenerational trauma is one of my passions, honestly, it’s one of the reasons I’m alive in this world, so I really take the time to observe myself and my family. How can I expect to go into this field without having taken the time to reflect on how it comes into play in my life? I can see the anxieties of my great-grandma get passed down to my grandma then to my mom and to me. I don’t want to pass this down to my kids. Ugh, how do I say this because it clicks in my head but putting it down into words is difficult right now? Trauma/stress changes us, it leaves markers on DNA. This happens in so many families but there’s a way to heal it. It isn’t easy but it is so god damn worth it. I know it’s going to take me some time to do all that I want to do, like write books on healing trauma with earth’s medicine, start a foundation with my friends to help kids and their families get the resources and help they need, end poverty, have an animal sanctuary, and whatever else I can dream of, but I am okay with the time.
I once used to feel like I never had enough time. I felt like my dreams were impossible because I thought death would come for me early on in my life and keep me from making my dreams come true. But death isn’t evil, it is actually so beautiful for a soul to continue its journey rather than being stuck in this physical plane that we know. I’ll do all that I have to do in due time because it will just come naturally.
Thank you for reading. I just wanted to share some videos and words. I appreciate you tremendously. Thank you for being alive.
XoXo,
Lexx
P.S. I got an A on this article review paper I wrote that I was so nervous about. My anxiety gets the best of me when I try to do things “perfectly.” Sometimes it even stops me from trying because if it isn’t perfect then there isn’t a point. But nothing is perfect at the same time that it is all ever so perfectly itself. Today in class, I volunteered my paper to be reviewed for the whole class because I really wanted to understand why Turnitin (checks for plagarism) was saying that there was 61% of plagarism. I was freaking out for nothing because it was picking up my references from the article I was reviewing. My professor, Dr. A, goes over my paper and she already starts off by saying how great of a job I did :’) I was telling the class how nervous and sweaty (its an anxiety thing okay) I was getting about my paper being read lol. Thankfully my classmates are amazing and they were telling me how my paper helped them and some very nice compliments. Not to toot my horn, but I will because why not we should all hype ourselves up, Dr. A said she was impressed with my paper and that it isn’t easy to impress her. So you could only understand the sense of relief I had felt knowing that I didn’t fuck up and that my world wasn’t crashing down!!!! When I submitted this paper last week, I was so nervous and all I could do was journal about it and release the worry. There was nothing I could have done after the submission so there was no point in causing unnecessary stress to myself. And thank god I followed through with that because I actually did really great on my paper! I am proud of myself 🙂
