I want to first start off by saying that this past week has been completely off. I was really out of balance and I had no idea why. I did my best to keep myself balance but sometimes life is just life. I was driving home after work the other day and a car accident happened right next to me. I was so close that I heard the crunch and saw all the pieces of both cars just jump into the air. The next morning as I was heading to work, there were two loose dogs on the highway. I almost hit one but I slammed on my breaks just in time. I pulled my car over to the shoulder and got out to try and get the two dogs. I saw that they had collars on so I thought if I could just get them in my car then I could take them back to their home. I called to them but they had no intention of being captured. A man stopped to try and help me but we were unsuccessful. The two dogs created so much traffic and all I could do was cry because I felt so useless. I relate to animals on a spiritual level so I thought I could coerce them into the car with my kind heart but I think they were on a mission to just be free. As the two dogs made it safely across the road, I decided to let the universe take care of the rest and continue my drive to work. Maybe I just had to be there to make sure the dogs made it across the road safely? Who knows.

All week, I kept getting signs about my pets who have already passed away. I was seeing their names and breeds everywhere. Super odd. Today began as a pretty normal Saturday. I woke up, fed the pets, cleaned the house and did what I had to do. I got a good amount of pet cuddles from both Odessa and Pepper before heading out to spend time with my great grandmother. I drive to Livermore to spend time with her and it was absolutely lovely. My grandma is 90 and has dementia so I treasure every second I have with her. It’s around 7pm that I get home and I was feeling pretty good. I come home to Pepper greeting me at the door. I relax for a few minutes and the moment that I walked into my room, my whole life changed.

I open my door and right away, I see Odessa on the floor, dead. I tell my mom and I just break down. I can’t believe it actually happened. I was 4 years old when I got Odessa and I’m 22 now thus making him 18-19 years old. I knew his time would come any day but I really believed he had some more years in him. Nothing was out of the ordinary. His eating habits were the same, he was still begging me for food as per usual. His bathroom habits were the same. I guess it was just really his time to go. Idk man, it just really fucking sucks losing a pet. My pets are really my kids you know, I love them more than I love myself. I would give my life for them. It’s my pets over the world, tbh.

I’m just really sad. But also at peace but also left with so many questions. I know his death wasn’t my fault but it feels like it. I wish I could’ve been home with him. I wish he could’ve given me more time. I wish I knew how he died. I wish I could’ve held him in his last moments. This is the third pet death that I’ve experienced this year and I’m honestly not sure how much more my heart could take. But the only thing that brings me solace is knowing that nobody (or no animal) is ever truly gone. Their souls are still around, just floating in the vortex instead of being tied down to a vessel.

Odessa was my best friend but also my biggest headache. He was truly my other half. He was there for me when nobody else was. He was there every time I needed someone to talk to. He was there for me through all my heartaches and fuck ups. If I had the most terrible day and all I wanted to do was kill myself, I know I could get a cuddle from Odessa and I would instantly be healed. He also knew all my buttons and pushed them like no one else. But I didn’t care because he was mine.

The funny thing is, you truly never know when you could lose a loved one. The most like LOL thing of it all is that I literally just bought him this super fancy self cleaning cat litter box. I love making sure my pets have all that they would ever want and need, it brings me so much joy shopping for them. He literally only used the cat litter box one time! What a funny thing the universe wanted me to experience.

All I know is, life sucks but it is also so beautiful. Without these not so joyous moments, we wouldn’t be able to truly be grateful for all that life has to offer. Something that actually really helped me heal was just spending time with his body. Somehow along human history, we stopped being so one-on-one with death. We treat it as something so foreign, something that should be feared and not talked about. But birth and death go hand in hand. It’s the cycle that will go on and no one has any control of when it will happen.

Please just take this as a gentle reminder to treasure your loved ones while they are still around because you truly never know when you could lose them. Of course they will always be around in the vortex but we were put on this 3D world to experience life! So experience life while you can before you can’t anymore.

RIP Odessa. I love you. Thank you for saving me from myself. Please watch over me and say hi to everyone in the vortex for me. I miss you so much papi. Enjoy the vortex for the both of us.