I am slowly getting back into the groove of life. A pandemic really doesn’t stop one’s life from continuing to spin ahead while one is stuck just trying to grasp their feet on the ground. I have had so many stressors pop up in my life recently but I’ve been handling it pretty well. Maybe too well because I am barely realizing how heavy it all has been weighing on me.

It’s like when you have already gone through hell once, you know it will hurt to do again but its possible because you’re strong and if you can do it once you can do it twice and so fourth. So all my life trauma has thickened my skin up a bit. I built up almost a wall within myself to not prevent my emotions from spilling out so that I can handle whatever stressor without crying. But I decided that I don’t want to be that person who has walls around their heart. I want to openly express myself and my emotions. I refuse to be emotionally constipated!!!

Now I am learning how to decipher my emotions and just really process it all. These past two weeks have been the only weeks where I have literally been forced into taking some down time. Now sitting with myself, I sort of caught up with my brain and really sat down with all my freaking stressors. And I swear to god I honestly have no idea how I am not having a complete melt down right now! Old me would’ve been stressing to the max. New me stresses but also lets the situations play out by themselves because stressing doesn’t help anyone and at the end of the day, even the most “negative” of stressors are experiences needed to go through. Remember, things are happening for you not to you.

So here I am, trying to not freak out because one is unemployed during a pandemic. Meanwhile, I also got thrown some extra bills like car insurance and registration. I have family obligations so that’s what my everyday life has been consisting of, being a caretaker. It’s sort of just a difficult situation all around but there’s nothing I can necessarily do that stressing would help ya know.

I guess my point of this is just that even when your world feels like it’s crumbling on top of you and you feel so freaking alone because you don’t know if other people are struggling like you are, just know, you aren’t alone lol. Even those that look like they have it all together have their own struggles to deal with. Call it struggle bonding if you will.

I also don’t want to sound like I’m giving myself a pity party because that is certainly not my intention. I simply would just like to point out that it is possible to keep your head on tight even when life is throwing you all types of stressors into your life during a freaking pandemic. You can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you react to things. And that is freaking powerful!

Own your powers of being a divine human. Don’t forget to laugh at life. I really like the saying this and that are true. We are super important to this world but at the same time, we’re just small specs of atoms barely making any sort of mark on the timeline of this universe. Our problems are real but they don’t kill us.

Anyways, I would also like to mention that I’ve been having major writers block lately. I’ve been journaling but I haven’t been able to sit down and write a good think piece. Kinda sad but also just going with the flow. Thank you for listening!