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Tears Really Do Dry On Their Own

Hey Siri, play “Emotional” by Snoh Aalegra

To get this off my chest…

Sometimes I find myself doing a lovely scream to release some pent up energy, lol. It really does help! I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I’ve also been talking to the universe a lot too. I’m just in the process of understanding the experiences I have gone through. Life has taught me an awful lot. If anything, it’s taught me what I want and don’t want for myself.

When I freaking tell you that I am completely exhausted from encountering subpar partners, I freaking mean it. I don’t want to sound like I’m bagging on the people I have been with, I’m just frustrated with myself for staying in situations that I knew weren’t for me. I’ve talked about it before and I don’t mean to sound repetitive but it’s just gotten to a point where I’ve just been really telling the universe to just please remove the unnecessary people in my life, to remove people who simply want to drain my energy.

I guess this all just comes from me being so exhausted by how people lack communication in this age of dating. And maybe I sound like a total cry baby but whatever, so be it. It’s really just pure frustration and something I’m dealing with because I have to learn to not take things personally. It’s completely infuriating when someone who has hurt you countless of times, continues to try and pop up in your life after being blocked on multiple platforms. It’s just an annoyance that I have to deal with because people don’t understand social cues and just don’t know how to stay in their own lane.

Wait okay what I’m trying to freaking say is, I guess I just feel so unheard and totally like damn, this is how people see my value? They think I’m so easy and that a simple “I miss you” will freaking have me all head over heels? Like ugh, give me a little credit! I’m a woman who knows what she wants. And what I want is pretty simple which is why I believe any man who is trying to come into my life can meet my simple requests. Like my request that they are comfortable communicating because I need communication in order for me to understand what the actual f is going on in the situation. If you’re trying to date me, please just do something that wows me because who doesn’t freaking appreciate the effort that was put in to get someone’s attention? Idk, I’m not asking freaking for doves, I’m just asking for actual words to be exchanged. Flowers are always a must, for anyone.

*Honestly, this really is just a post of a 22-year-old woman being frustrated with her experiences in dating.*

I guess it all ties into me being a spiritual woman now and how I work every day towards staying a high vibrating person. So why must these annoyances be such a bother? I just don’t understand at what point in life did humans stop valuing each other?

Pepper and Sol are both sleeping next to me as I type this out, lol. It’s the simple things in life that really make you appreciate your current life. Sol and I have been talking about what we want in our future relationships and it’s just so funny how love, in general, is just something people can bond over yet so many people fear the issue of having to open up to someone. Interesting topic for Sol and I to talk about later in our series.

I just freaking look forward to the day where I meet someone who values me just as much as I value myself. I dream of that. You know, you could say I think a lot about healthy relationships because 1. it’s something I care about, 2. unhealthy relationships are something that is entirely too common when it doesn’t have to be! and 3. we all have the power within us to be a healthy partner who adds value to someone else’s life. I’ve just seen so many unhealthy unbalanced relationships in my life and it just makes my heart ache because more often than not, the issue is simply a lack of communication which results in resentment and confusion.

There’s already so much confusion in this world, the least we can do to make all of our lives just a little bit easier is have the proper communication skills that are needed in order to have a healthy relationship with someone. Let me toot my own horn for a bit: I’m a really good communicator! Of all sorts actually. I really enjoy writing strongly-worded emails for my friends to use in their situations, I really know how to get a point across. I also really enjoy helping people write a strong text message when needing to remind someone of what type of respect you deserve or when you just simply need to draw some lines with an acquaintance. My point being, I love that I have the brain capacity to hold an excellent conversation. And I just want someone with the same ability!

Lol, one of my recent mental health exercises has been to name the qualities that I like about myself. My communication obviously being one of them. Okay picture a gif of a person fighting the air. That’s how I physically feel when I think about people not being able to communicate, lol. I guess it just bothers me because it’s something I have struggled with before, but I now know that it’s definitely something one can improve on if they just try. But they have to want to try in the first place.

This just leads me into talking about my experience with dating emotionally unavailable men who don’t have the communication skills that I need in a partner. I would get so upset with them because they couldn’t give me what I needed. And mind you, I was just upset with them because I was upset with myself for even settling and letting myself think that I deserve their type of treatment. I’ve seen and experienced first hand the issues that can result in two people not understanding each other. That was enough for me to get real serious about having my standards met.

Then I get a little lonely because not everyone can meet your standards. So you spend a lot of your time just enjoying being single. I’ll have a slight slip up thought questioning if my standards are high but no they aren’t and even if they were, it doesn’t matter because they’re my standards. And the right person for me will have no issue meeting them.

*I’m watching New Girl and Nick just proposed to Jess. I’m freaking crying!!*

• Life is too damn short to be playing a cat and mouse game

Okay maybe I’m a little dramatic but seriously, when a guy tries to get my attention in some half-ass way that had no thought put into it, I honestly feel so disrespected! For a long period of my life, I didn’t really consider myself as the “pretty” girl. Now I didn’t consider myself ugly either. I always just saw myself as well, myself. But as I’ve come to learn after many years of introspection, a lot of the crap that I have dealt with in my life comes from being a “pretty” girl. People tend to just see my surface looks, rather than all the intelligence that I have going on in my brain. I’m still bothered by comments where people assume that just because I’m pretty and exude positive sexuality that I really have no sustenance to me. When for a matter of fact, I can out communicate most people. I am smart as hell and I will not let someone take that away from me. Ugh. Anyways, lol.

Romance isn’t easy for girls! Guys tend to primarily only hit you up just for sex. You rarely get asked out for actual dates where someone actually wants to spend time with you and get to know you. And for a long time, hooking up was something that was working for me, but only for that moment of instant gratification. And you know, I’ve messed up situations by choosing sex before any other form of intimacy but yo, I was young and full of hormones! I just wish someone had taught me that I was worth more than a simple body with a pretty face on it.

There’s also the part of being considered pretty and people being insecure when they’re with you. I get having insecurities but it doesn’t benefit anyone to bring those insecurities into a relationship. Which brings me to the point that people really need to become whole and confident beings before ever getting into any type of relationship. Please be a confident emotionally mature human before approaching someone you may think is out of your league. Because tbh, no one is out of your league because there is no league to begin with.

The one thing that truly does hurt me is when guys assume that I am talking to a handful of people simply because I am pretty!!! I don’t understand the logic when looks have nothing to do with anything. 1. I’m single so I can talk to as many people as I please, 2. What does it matter that I’m talking to anyone if I am trying to pursue you and figure out if there is even anything between us to begin with, 3. Why can’t you just focus on me rather than outside parties? Honestly, I don’t understand the logic. So just because people try to talk to me, that means you’re too insecure about your place in my life? So if you already can’t handle the things I deal with, what’s the point of continuing? How am I responsible for the people sending me messages? I’m not telling them to message me and I don’t even speak with them to begin with. Is it really that hard to find a confident partner who isn’t unfazed by advances people make towards me? I just need the whole topic of “oh you’re pretty so you must have suitors” to be freaking dropped and let it cease to exist.

I am just here to further remind people that I (and all women in general) are much more than beauty and brains! And for god’s sake, if you are trying to get the attention of someone that you like, just use your freaking words! Wtf is a meme that is insulating sexual intercourse going to do? I can tell you for sure that you won’t be getting any sort of response from me. There are really some people out there who don’t value you your worth so they don’t see the importance of using actual words to talk to you.

Omg!!! This is also leads me to the freaking fact that ugh, what’s up with men being SO angry with women?!?!?! Now that is something I cannot understand and I truly believe requires therapy for such a small minded brain to even come close to being a mind of expansive thoughts. It completely infuriates me because a lot of the issues that go on in one’s dating life happens because some men (in my experience) have so many unresolved issues revolving around the way they view women. Wether it come from issues with their mom or dad, there are defining points in a persons life that explain why one might hold such resentment to women. But those points are all unique to each person of course. It just breaks my heart to hear the comments of men ripping women apart simply because they are too insecure and afraid at looking at themselves in the mirror because they don’t have the brain capacity to do some major introspection to figure out the root of their anger.

This further brings me to my point that holy fuck, I really do need a partner who’s base level of emotions lean towards positivity. I grew up in such an emotionally unstable household where there was no freedom of communication at all. I didn’t grow up hugging my parents or having them tell me they love me. To this day, I cannot even tell my family that I love them, whether that be face-to-face or over a text, I just haven’t been able to. But I’m working on it. It’s also just really difficult to be the only one in your family who is trying to fix things. I should give myself credit for that honestly. Back to my point, my childhood is an environment that I do not see myself replicating hence why I have done some major self-improvement for myself and my future family.

If at all you take anything away from this, do take that a lack of communication in any aspect of your life leaves some major room for confusion. If you can’t talk about your boundaries, feelings, emotions, and experiences in a safe place then how the hell are you even going to understand who you are at your core? I can tell you that I have lived through so much crap and a lot of it simply came from me not understanding who I was so I was just out there freestyling my life. And that is what led me into some serious questionable situations just because I had no idea who I was! If I did have some idea of who I was, I probably would’ve made some smarter decisions. But hey, at least I had some fun!

How to tell someone you like them and want to go out on a date: just tell them. And buy them flowers! Yes flowers are simple and some may even say they’re outdated, but I truly believe they can even be some form of a white flag in a new blossoming relationship. As to say, “Hey dude, I like you and I don’t have any intention of hurting you. I think you are so beautiful and you deserve to have some beautiful flowers to look at too.” It’s really that simple!

I believe humans overcomplicate things because well, there is a lack of communication. So you overcomplicate things as to overcompensate for the confusion that is felt between the parties. And how do you avoid the confusion? By being as honest and straightforward as you can be. We sit around wasting our lives away trying to figure out how to make the confusion between you and a person dissipate when all we have to do is just literally be honest with the person about how you feel. Literally, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Rejection? So what if they reject you, just be thankful that they aren’t aligned with you which further brings you one step closer to someone who aligns with your frequency, beliefs, and can meet your standards!!!

Now remember kids, if you are ever confused about anything, just use your freaking words. How do you expect something to get resolved if you can’t even tell yourself or the universe what you want? One thing I have learned from the elderly is that a lot of people die with regrets, and some of those regrets being that they didn’t go after the person that they truly wanted. And how sad that is! We let our fear stop us because we’re scared of the unknown but you’re just going to keep running and that unknown is just going to keep haunting you until your very last day. Why not give yourself that clarity? They could reject you and it could hurt, or they could feel the exact same about you and you two live happily ever after! You will just never know until you ask. So why not ask? I just ugh, like it won’t kill you and you could very well die of a random aneurysm this very minute, so just freaking rip the bandaid off and tell the whole world how you feel!

I’ve just been taking a lot of advice from the elderly and those that have already passed on and all the advice is the same: to live your life in the present moment every day. To speak your truth and stay true to who you are, but don’t be scared to evolve either. To stay true to your unique path and to not compare your life in any way to other people. A lot of us die with some emotional regrets, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have the power to get our words out so just be thankful you have a voice in the first place and freaking use it!!! Also, stop projecting your personal issues onto others, that’s not kind. And it just shows how much internal work you still have to do.

XoXo,

Alexis 🧠