Now playing, “Melt Away” by Mariah Carey

For a long time, I believed I was right about everything! I read a lot, lol. But to my greatest dismay, I’ve learned that I’m not always right. I’m right about a lot of things, but I’m human and not perfect. Being wrong is OKAY! A wise giraffe once told me, “It’s important to listen to people and gradually form your opinion or gradually learn from being wrong.” A recently newly formed opinion of mine is that a connection with someone is worth having patience for. I truly believed that if I weren’t talking to multiple people that I wasn’t doing enough. I also believed that not one person could meet all my needs in a romantic life partner. I couldn’t process that someone I love required something as ‘simple’ as faith, trust, and patience. But alas, I’ve never felt better!

I was scared to make the mistake of living a life with the wrong person. I was scared that I couldn’t find someone who is confident in themselves and being my partner. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to meet someone who is intellectually smart and life smart.

“You’ve got plenty to say. A lot of it is worth hearing and being exposed to. Then sometimes it’s rapid-fire with cute whining and sweet pleas.” — Wise Giraffe

LOL, past Alexis is rolling in her figurative grave!!! I’m growing up into a mighty fine woman! I mean I openly talk about love in general, but for me to have learned that forgiveness and letting go of the past is included in loving someone, wow. I feel that I was able to finally get this idea across in my actions because I learned that you don’t always encounter the same cool souls twice.

I was so mentally ill, I couldn’t see that I could trust him! Wow! And now that I’ve been on my meds for a significant amount of time, I can trust life more. The growth! I have always been into journaling because it gave me a way to visually look back at my journey. When I look back at my journals, I found some big things. Little did I know that I was also journaling my path into the future. I once was so caught up in delusions, false perceptions, and always needing control. I never once felt safe in any environment because I didn’t feel safe in my own mind. Eventually, I realized that I actually felt safe and protected.

I created this lens that made me think the whole world was out to get me. I truly believed that anyone and everyone were out to slip the rug from under my feet. So before they got the chance, I decided to slip on the rug first. I fell forehead first (a reference to my accidental head injury in the fall of 2022 when I hit my forehead on the doorframe and trunk of my car because I was RUSHING to go to work) because of how much I was overthinking fictional tragedies.

I wasn’t giving myself the chance to participate in my own life. I was practically on autopilot, damn near a soulless human vessel! I had no clue that even with me being on autopilot, my personality and character could shine through.

XoXo,

Alexis <3

Bonus song: “Hello Stranger” by Carrie Lucas