It’s taken me some time to get to writing this “first blog post.” I’m a little bit of a perfectionist so I had to get this just right. So here I am, coming out! You see, I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2, a mood disorder characterized by hypomanic and depressive episodes. When I got this diagnosis, all I could think was “wow FINALLY I have an answer. I have an answer and an explanation as to why I was doing certain things that were out of my norm.” All those days that I spent in bed just crying because all I wanted to do was end my life, or those days where I would get zero sleep and spend all night just feeling on top of the world, I finally had an explanation for those days. I spent all my 21 years of life being mentally unstable.

It all started in middle school when my parents were having issues and eventually separated. I was crying out for help my entire life, hoping someone would hear me and save me. But to my demise, no one came to save me. People were listening to me but they weren’t hearing me. I’ve died and shed layers of myself. The current me is Alexis 5.0. This is an Alexis that people have never met before, I myself am just getting to know her as well. So this is my way of coming out and introducing Alexis 5.0 to the world. People have only ever met the depressed me or hypomanic me, no one has met the mentally stable Alexis. So I just want to say hi and it is a pleasure to meet you all. 

I’ve been on this journey for a while now and thankfully, I have been blessed enough to have the most supportive friends that one could ever ask for. Despite having amazing friends, I was still feeling so lonely. I don’t know a lot of people that suffer from bipolar disorder. After my diagnosis, I started researching this psychiatric condition. I wanted to learn how other people function on an everyday basis with this condition that can be very debilitating more often than not. I wanted to hear personal stories, not scholastic information that comes more from a scientific perspective rather than the personal one that I was looking for. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky in my search. I never thought the day would come where I’d become this mentally stable young human that managed to get her life in order. But here I am, alive and happy to have another shot at life. 

I am starting this blog for myself and others like me, that have gone through similar situations as I have. I’ve had a pretty tough life but who hasn’t ya know. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that this life is my reality, the things I have gone through have traumatized me and I have had to put a lot of work into myself to be able to heal past these traumas. My whole life I waited for someone to hear my cries and save me, but turns out, I was my own hero all along, I saved myself. I want others to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even when it feels like there isn’t. I became the person that I always needed growing up. 

My name is Alexis Gutierrez and I suffer from bipolar 2 disorder. I am going to share what it is like being a 21-year old Latinx that grew up in the Bay Area during the rise of gentrification and battling mental illness on a daily basis. I’ll also be sharing a wide variety of parts and interests in my life. Thank you for taking the time to read this! I hope you enjoy reading my posts and that I spark something in you, whether that be a laugh, a newfound hope, or an inspiration to just share your story with the world. 

“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.” – Vincent Van Gogh