Blog Posts

Who Alexis Is!

Now Playing: “All My Love” by KIRBY

I look at my life and revel in the peace of mind. If I could gift the power of trust and gusto to the world… there would be a lot more people who believe in magic. I can see my worries and hold them. Understanding that there’s this layer to me that is so grim and dark. She is NOT a ray of sunshine that softly kisses the skin. She is a ray of sunshine that leaves an ugly blistering burn! I remind myself that she is a layer of me, she does not make up the entirety of who I am. I can perceive from a layer that is like a sunset on a rainy day.

And what gives sunsets their colors? Dust! What is dust? Everything. Microscopic particles from all around the world and outer space. Without dust, there would be no raindrops or color in the sky. If there were no rain, the water cycle would be incomplete. And what is life without water?

Basically, my life and who I am is essential. And so are all the souls that come to this planet. And what I have to say is worth hearing. The same is worth saying for everyone with a soul. And that is why I share my art! To inspire others to share what they think and feel in their human experience.

An old friend once told me, “Through all the hardships, I have always seen you to be a very strong woman. The journey you’ve been on and will continue to be on is unique and I’m glad that you have the power to share your experience with others. I wish the best for you, always have and always will.” Lol y’all, it’s taken me SO long to understand how strong and unique I am. Well maybe “understand” isn’t the right word, but actually coming to a place of acceptance of who I am.

By holding my worries under the rain, I am able to focus on the things I want to achieve. One of those is being able to help others and share my Alexis love and magic! So that others may also let their creativity flow. The fact that I’m able to even write about these wants of mine is magical. Because there was once a time when people outside of myself knew me better than I knew myself.

The story I want to tell people is that there are a million things I can worry about but all that worrying from my 24 years of life is tiring and heavy. I’m too tired to stress out anymore. I want to learn how to make mistakes so that I’m not so fearful of making them. I want to “drop the ball” in life and know confidently that my world will not implode or explode. I want to learn how to take action from a place of fun and courage.

As I approach my 25th year around the sun… I feel SO lost and SO incredibly free at the same time. I’m flowing into the abyss with a sense of direction/ instinct/ intuition. I’m trying to find my “new” voice by rewiring my brain that was hardwired to self-destruct (Metallica reference).

In 2021, I wrote a blog post titled, “Mental Health Check-In As A Newly 23-Year-Old.” I had been on lithium for 60 days at that point. I felt dull and less creative. Now I can say I LOVE lithium. The only negative side effect I’ve learned to live with is frequent urination, lol. My mental state was totally down and even back then I was saying how tired I was! I was unable to sit with my sadness and helplessness. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. 2021 me had no idea her BFF would pass away in 2022. Having made it this far in 2023, I’ve really grown! From 2021 to 2023, I found myself. I found that the deep connections I have with people are important and worth a lot. Along the way, I learned the powerful gift of forgiveness. I learned how to forgive someone and what it felt like to be forgiven by someone you really love.

“Forgiveness not only enables us to overcome estrangement, it intensifies our capacity for affirming one another.” – Bell Hooks

On an Alexis note, I didn’t know I had to go on such an impossible quest. But having now gone through the realm of mystery, I find myself renewed with life and energy. I find myself choosing love and hope, even when I may not have all the answers. Or even more scary, choosing to take a leap of faith, not knowing if it’s the “right” or “wrong” thing to do!!! I’ve stubbornly accepted that life is actually full of delight, especially during periods when patience is required. I am a force of nature with mastery in the art of stillness.

Con mucho amor,

Alexis <3

P.S. One of the students in the classroom I work in says he has cool teachers! Wooohooo!! I am “cool” :3